inkskinned:

i am always checking other people’s body language. my therapist says this is a normal conditioned response to what i’ve been through, she says - you like to see a problem before it becomes a problem.

i like to see a problem before it is a problem. if i can solve the problem early, then there will never be a problem to exist. if i can’t solve it, i’d like to leave, and if i can’t leave, i don’t know how to handle it. so i watch, and i wait for things that might not happen, and i duck out of parties early, and i don’t let people too close, and i don’t believe you like me, and i say i am happy on my own.

my therapist says - with all this watching, don’t you worry you might misunderstand a signal and end up seeing rejection where there is acceptance? don’t you think you might be giving this a lot of power over your existence? 

with all this watching, she says. when do you get to actually experience?